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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Rose's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 21st, 2018
3:30 pm
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10:41 am
Mommy 30 seconds into Black Mirror
Mommy: Is this about detectives?
Bro: Watch.
Mommy (whispering): Is it about aliens?
Everyone: Shhhhhh!
Mommy: I saw this.
Friday, April 13th, 2018
3:12 pm
Our First Selfie
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Aunty... My shoe.

Oops.

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Reoccurring theme.
Thursday, April 12th, 2018
9:16 pm
Spanish song (Salsa genre):

¿Por qué es tan difícil hallar a la pareja apropiada?
¿Por qué se interesa por mí la persona equivocada?
¿Y por qué enamorarme de tí si yo te quiero y tú naaa
Na, na, na, naaa-da.


Translation:

Why is it so hard to find the right partner?
Why is the wrong person interested in me?
And why fall in love with you if I love you and you nooo
No, no, no, nooo-thing.
3:42 pm
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3:52 am
“What’s this? So European,”
“My murse.”
Wednesday, April 11th, 2018
4:17 pm
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Tuesday, April 10th, 2018
2:23 pm
10:37 am
Compartimentación
Esta mañana en el metro me dí cuenta que estaba escuchando cualquier canción que sonara (en mi iPod). Por lo general, suelo saltarlas y saltarlas hasta encontrar la que deseo escuchar justo en ese momento, pero cuando salimos al puente (tal vez fue el regreso a la luz natural), se me llenaron los ojos de lagrimas (de felicidad) por la belleza de todas, y la sucesión.

Últimamente, he estado consciente de los diferentes tipos de “llorar.” Si bebo sola, puede que al final se me salgan dos lagrimas gruesas y calientes que ni sabía (que no me daba cuenta) que venían. A veces son unas cuantas más. Son el mismo tipo de lagrimas que provienen cuando veo un programa de televisión triste (así sea malo). Se siente bien. Es un alivio. Tiene sentido.

En la cama (o en la ducha) puede que me pase eso de “llorar feo.” Es audible, con contorciones de la cara, y pasión. Y placer, también. Alivio. Las lagrimas son un analgésico natural. Lo aprendí una noche que no pude dormir por un dolor de muela extremo. Después de casi destrozarme el estómago con Advil, por la desesperación. Lo más efectivo terminaron siendo las lagrimas, que cuando fluían intensamente de verdad que me quitaban el dolor.

Todo está mezclado, claro. El primer tipo de lagrimas (las del metro, que quedaron contenidas en mis ojos) eran sobre mi vida. Estoy al borde, y ¡en el medio! de una felicidad máxima, absoluta, dicha. Las segundas son las reprimidas. Por, mi vida. Y la de los demás. Todo lo que ha vibrado a través de mí, que ha sido controlado, profesionalmente, con disciplina, resforzado en momentos de debilidad que eventualmente me alcanzan. El día a día. Las terceras son por, mi vida. Mis problemas. Mis deseos incumplidos. Lo que no puedo controlar. Desde un rompimiento, hasta tener que comprarle a mis padres productos básicos modernos (trocitos de felicidad) y transportarlos por cientos y miles de millas. Cosas que no le cuento a nadie. Que ¿a quién le importan? ¿Quién quisiera vivir revolcándose allí? Aunque todo cuente.
Monday, April 9th, 2018
9:03 pm
12:21 pm
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Sunday, April 8th, 2018
12:13 pm
Exploring wakefulness some more
Vienna, 3am the other day.

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‘At least he serves as a good bookholder’.

(I bet the boringness my brother was probably reading would have helped.)
Thursday, April 5th, 2018
8:46 pm
The way Amazon is “doing business” these days is disgusting and borders on fraudulent.
Wednesday, April 4th, 2018
2:16 pm
9:39 am
Cruel awakening
‘Do you want a Vicodin Pepsi?’ Said the girl behind the counter, it was a consolation, I dreamed, I’d felt other people had taken my turn. ‘I’ll have one of those,’ I said. ‘Small or large?’ I thought about it. I have a small stomach for the amount of sugary drinks served in our beautiful country. ‘Small,’ I said. ‘And a Big Mac meal... And a beef pattie [Jamaican],’ there was a picture of one by the register, with hot sauce on it. I started to wait, for it all, and I woke up!
Monday, April 2nd, 2018
9:49 pm
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Sunday, April 1st, 2018
2:44 pm
1:09 pm
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Saturday, March 31st, 2018
12:35 pm
Friday, March 30th, 2018
3:27 pm
It was supposed to rain but the sun came out, for a bit
One of today’s highlights has been finding my new fave shampoo 50% off because the cap broke off. It was at this pharmacy I love where they have a section for such things. The cashier was probably more excited than me. He explained what had happened (it fell off the rounded edge shelves), and proposed many ways in which I could deal with the broken cap sitch (I stopped listening at some point) while he lovingly wrapped the top with extra tape.

Continuing on my walk, I saw a 16 Handles. It’s like a mirage for me. But it was one! The perfect treat at that time until, a couple of blocks later, I saw my friend’s office building and couldn’t believe I didn’t tell her I would be around, and on lunch! I guess I’d been too busy thinking of all the ways I’d have fun walking to and from an assignment aaall the way across town God bless.

Once I finally remembered, then, where the Housing Works with actual good books was, I got detoured to the Rubin Museum gift shop. Because I am a little psychic, I had a feeling they wouldn’t let me in with food, I walked in like I belong though (it’s like, a corner, the store), and sure enough... It is one of my pet peeves. I usually just leave, keep all your merchandise. I am not a toddler! But I really like that store and they’re all zen and nice so I got annoying and asked them to hold it for me lol. She seemed hesitant so then I promised that I just wouldn’t eat it. But, ultimately, when I asked for my ice cream back (I didn’t buy anything lol), she had put a tissue over it <3 She was like, “I put a tissue over it.” I remembered I needed a birthday present for someone, so I bought one of the things I had liked, and then I grabbed something by the register cuz I’m the sucker they put that stuff there for. I did find a few books that interest me, too. Then I remembered my library card! (You are allowed to eat at Housing Works.)

Anyway, Dr. J was like did I want to come to the docs break room have a tea. I was like, I am off the leash! Surely, there were other people there. And for the record, I am now more concerned that he’ll try to recruit me to LDS than that he’ll make a move on me. Not that I believe in platonicism, anymore. But I am lonely at work, and I miss real lol’s.

I’m hungry again. And now the sun’s on a break. But with God as my witness, I’d rather freeze in this park than go back into the hospital unless I have to.

Happy Friday!
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