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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Rose's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, August 20th, 2017
7:06 pm
Sunday, August 13th, 2017
7:09 pm
Mission blissful chaos at Aunty Rose's





Best behaved:




Current Mood: heart-ful
Thursday, August 10th, 2017
2:08 pm
"If we want things to stay as they are, things will have to change."
Wednesday, August 9th, 2017
1:52 pm
This morning in bed, with a headache, deciding that I would drink my coffee on the go so my sore body could stay in bed a few minutes longer, I started to plan out what I was going to wear, UGH, LIFE. I decided on all black which when I decide on all black it's cuz it's so hard to keep going. I thought I'd put on my red bracelet, for a bit of cheer, when I realized I hadn't seen my red bracelets for a while (it's a set). I sprung out of bed and indeed they weren't where they should be. I looked in a couple more places but soon I had to face that I must have lost them. Making those the second and third bracelets I lose this summer (I rarely lose anything). I racked my brain for how, when. I got pretty down.

I dreamt the hospital burnt down (lol). Yesterday Josie was telling me the firemen were here. I didn't think that that was out of the ordinary (hunks), so I only pretended to be interested. (Josie and I highly enjoy each other's company, but we don't have a lot to talk about.) I was shocked. I really was, to see all the middle of the building burned like that. And what's worse, a suitcase of mine had been in there, and my phone! I looked for it among stuff and more stuff that had been rescued and put in rooms, but I couldn't find it.

An Officer picked me up in a van at home. I was in my workout gear. He was kind of cute, and sweet, and I thought he was someone I could date and that I had made the right choice. He asked me why [I'd made such choice]. I told him dunno. My dad was in the army. He told me that wasn't a reason. I said I'm bored. Someone backing out of a parking spot didn't see our van, and he drove more slowly on purpose. It was an Asian girl in one of those mini cars. Later, I noticed his shiny suit and plaid shirt. He was complaining about dating. How he had spent $80 for an hour and a half of entertainment, and $60 for one. I thought with someone like him I'd be perfectly happy to split the bill.


They didn't have my bracelets at the store anymore.


I told my coach's wife I was in love with their daughter. She's two feet of walking confidence, with a grownup's deep tan, and dirty blonde hair.

"What's her name?" I asked her.

That's a boy's name, I thought, but I said something complimentary, which I forgot because it was a lie.

"We call her Dillie," she said, as if she'd read my mind. I like Dillie.
Tuesday, August 8th, 2017
7:58 pm
Things I hate the most in the world:


Things I am naturally good at and love and I don't understand why people always think it is so hard:


"You're killing it Rose." With weights! (A variation.) I grabbed the three-pounders. I was going to buy the one-pounders. He made me grab the eight-pounders. I guess I'll get the five-pounders. I'd like to stay slim.

I kind of love Midtown. (Okay I love it.) It's so New York. Looking up and around like a tourist, I stumbled upon the first hotel we ever stayed at as a family in New York City, where my cells decided they'd stay.

And I picked up my sandals!

3:06 pm
Lunch-hour power-shopping fail
A doctor just asked me if I'm a Mandarin interpreter (it is not the first time). It was kind of a 911 sitch, so I don't blame her. And hey you never know. I told her whom she should call, and I thought I kept hearing A, involved in the sitch. I decided it wasn't him, but WHO is of course trying to "save the day"? Subduing the naked subject to the floor himself if necessary! (I'm exaggerating?) Well, indeed A.

"Choose your battles girl," Dr. Z said word-by-word to Dr. X this morning, after señora H put her forehead to the floor and kept on praying, a sign which, like Dr. Z, I interpreted to mean interview-over. I wanted to hug her as we headed for the door. Dr. X wanted to keep talking!

I am trying to relax.

At lunch I wanted to go to the bookstore. I tried to go in the morning, but they changed their hours and ruined my life. I forgot a book today (and my rent's check in the book I finished yesterday!), and a day looking at Instagrams and the news can make me feel so despondent.

I ate early, got on my way when it was officially lunch, and I took a little detour to the witch store because I needed incense. Josie called me. I had jinxed her. She'd lost her work phone. Before she left our table a few minutes earlier, and was going to grab her phone off the table last, I said, "Don't lose your phone!"

Josie is the kind of person who wouldn't have her work phone number saved. I called her (even to make sure she had indeed lost it), and there I was at the witch store holding two phones to my ears. The new witch asked me if I'd like a palm reading. (I declined, though I probably need one. Who doesn't?)

Josie had to get back to the patient but I felt bad & kept calling her lost phone. We don't have insurance, and forget what she'd have to pay, but remember being treated like toddlers by "the office" and having talks and enduring possible measures about this for weeks and months and every day! (How about just insure the fucking phones?) A lady-angel finally answered! I power-walked to the park and after many instructions finally found the lady-angel waving at me (I didn't have any appropriate bills to give her, but she seemed to indeed believe me when I told her this will come back to her).

It was too late to go to Sephora (add-on). Or the bookstore. So I settled for Basics Plus (I love that name lol) for "Those envelopes that smell good, for your drawers," "Satches," the burly salesman informed me, and another led the way. I didn't like the ones they had (I thought they carried the Bed, Bath & Beyond ones), so I got gel beads instead. A "Sea Spray" one which is actually pretty yum, and lavender. At the register they had the sponges I love, and that have been on my list (an actual list) for a while, so I threw those in. I eyed a cleaner that is on the list, too, but I didn't want to carry any more.

I don't have time to shop after work (and rarely do I have the energy), so my moisturizer will have to wait, a book I can probably let go since I have so many, and I do have to pick up new sandals I ordered the other day! I'm not a huge fan of sandals so that was quite a search and I hope they work out.

Anyhoo they officially called a "Silver Code" in my area of semi-solitude and relaxation. When people ask me, "What's that again?" I always say it's "Violence against a co-worker." Lol. I guess that's my cue to go to the park and not-read, now that nobody needs me & my prospective acquisitions remain on shelves.
Monday, August 7th, 2017
9:11 pm
Step Facetimed me,

"Where are you?" She asked before popping more popcorn into her mouth. My frame was black. I was watching TV in the dark. Messy hair, flattering red dress, glasses, "You can see me when the [TV] screen gets white," I told her when I realized.

"You're in your house. I was used to RV Stephanie." She turned the camera out and showed me the mantel I've seen in pictures. She got up and outside so quickly that I didn't even notice. She showed me the rose bushes.

"How much popcorn do you eat?" She asked me eventually. "I eat half the bag [throughly enjoying the warmth]. I put away the other half, thinking I'll eat it at some other point. And then I eat it [maybe in two parts], which is a long way of saying I eat the whole bag."
2:40 pm
I was convinced if I didn't go to the beach this weekend I'd spend all week just looking forward to Saturday, so I went. But I am still just looking forward to Saturday.
1:35 pm
I mean palpitations
"Hug me!" She said to Dr. X, her arms wide open.

"Hug me!" She said to me, with her arms wide open (I was not going to hug her, either).

"Hug me!" She said to Dr. Y. Her arms remained open. She hugged herself.

"Aw--" Dr. X started to say, and she left it at that.

That could have been it, but through the silence I kept thinking, Someone say something nice.

"We have rules in the hospital," Dr. Y, the sharp resident, said, "We can't hug patients." Even if you lie.

That day I left smiling. Dr. X, who is as uptight or even more uptight than me, commented, "It is so nice to meet with someone who lifts your spirits."

"Singing," I had stated with interpreter's license at the end of the meeting.

That is not how I had felt/dealt on the day we met the patient. She was manic, with religious tendencies. I get lost at words like "Eucharist," and consequently frustrated. On an empty stomach, and with doctors who don't moderate the patient, I get upset. We spent about half an hour with her (!) during which she, we, did most of the "talking."

But after I commiserated with Josie, "Aw, she's fun," she said, I softened a little. "The sunglasses," (which came later), I said. I had been shocked Loca de remate could be a diagnosis, I told Jo, that Dr. X had said [at any point], "We'll send you home."

"Señora H, for instance, makes my head spin...--" Anthony said at our staff meeting, or something to that effect. I was surprised we could relate on anything, even about work. At all. Ever. But for different reasons I was resolute to be quiet at that meeting (not that at a different meeting I would have shown agreement to anything that came out of his mouth).

"Praying," I got myself a license, I was like closed captioning but a little more specific sometimes, "More Christian imagery," I'd say with a straight face when I couldn't follow the thread, when it all became obvious, "Singing."

'Bout the Lord.

By the end of that week Josie told me things had turned ugly, "She threw her walker at the wall."

Today she had a blackening eye. Dr. Z, whom I'd just discovered, an African woman with fine (as in width) braids, I hadn't even been interpreting loud enough for (I had thought she was a community social worker; and it was hard to compete with Señora H's shouting, so I focused on interpreting the most relevant thoughts to the ever-sweet-maybe-too-sweet? Dr. X) introduced herself and said the best things (in the best way, with that accent!) about medication, and going home.


"Do you mind if I...--" the elderly Chaplain? Said to Dr. B as she held a communion wafer out of a gold container with a monogram, "--deliver communion? It'd take a minute and half." I had never heard that time frame. Dr. B, who had just cut in by the other side of the bed, and who is actually nice, started to insinuate a no. Or rather a yes, I do mind. But he made it about me! 'Oh of course I have a minute and a half, but I have an interpreter here who is surely on a tight schedule.' I did not say anything. Dude. And the religious authority said some words about the body of Christ, which she put in the patient's mouth, and then turned to us, "Universal language!" She said cheerily. Then the patient's roommate summoned her to her side of the curtain.

Dr. B had warned me the patient was demented, and mumbled a lot. I interpreted what I could make out, which was rational enough.

"Do you have any problems with your heart?"
"I don't know."

"Do you feel anything in your heart?"
Sunday, August 6th, 2017
11:19 pm
"The weirdest thing just happened to me," Lauren whispered to me when she got back from the bathroom. I have a policy on summarizing what happens in the movie while people were in the bathroom: I don't. 'Oh you didn't miss anything.' Of course you missed something. It's a two-hour story. Now I'm not going to miss what's happening cuz you had to pee. I went to pee during Wonder Woman, and did I care about what I had missed? If I had cared, at all, I could have held it.

But I had no policies on listening to a weird story, while people on the screen were getting tortured. "I wanna see that," I whispered to L after the trailer for Mother!, earnestly. The current torture was stressful. I couldn't keep eating my fries (eventually I did finish them though). "I'm walking down the hallway someone on the floor grabs my ankle, says 'Help me!'" Okay, I could skip the torture. I thought about Mother! "I'm like, 'Are you drunk?' He's like, 'I'm dying,' I'm like, 'Should I call 911?' He's like, 'I took prednisone.' And I started laughing. Then a manager got there, and some staff, and I realized Jonah Hill was standing next to me. And he's like, 'Where's the bathroom?'"

Since we were whispering a conversation already, and laughing, I told her what she'd missed in the movie (which was totally crucial), but only half of it.
Friday, August 4th, 2017
1:11 pm
I was surprised they answered the cell phone. And he was nice, even. I could tell. With the enthusiasm exerted when you start to run your own business (and needed throughout the enterprise). I wanted to buy a Groupon, but I was having some difficulty understanding the openness of the schedule.

"Why don't you take a free class, see if you like it, and then buy the Groupon?"

I didn't have to break it to him: I am not going to like it. It's exercise. So I thanked him for the good idea, grateful for the free class, and I bought the Groupon anyway.

I'd chuckled at my Google search that day: Insanity classes NYC


The baby sat on a cart with dumbbells (one time a patient said dumbbell and I had no idea what he was talking about). She had dark skin and light hair, a year and a half, a beauty I'd smiled at, and whose bangs I brushed aside with my fingers. She fell by my feet but daddy said she was okay, and he continued to help me "cash in" the Groupon, download the scheduling app, with the same patience with which he'd taken my call (a patience to explain stupid things I admire I guess because I do not have it). I even left before he'd get into the downloading of the app, kind of embarrassed I couldn't remember my iTunes password (fucking passwords). Two classmates wanted to talk to him, too. The music still played. The second class had already rushed in.

I'd wanted to tell him why I am taking the class (though I am not a chatty one), but Midtown feels like the epicenter of rushed Manhattan. He multi-chatted with another student. I tuned out, tried to remember that password. He told her she was getting stronger, asked about her thyroid. The other student had gotten a Groupon, too.

I saw that Officer B had emailed me. Some kind of karma reward. My legs shook going down the stairs on the way back out, from the workout.

"Join us on the beach this weekend!" He'd said, holding the baby, among other instructions shouted at us. Working dad. His other kids were 22, and 6. "We're gonna have some Olympics, tug of war-type stuff..." That is so not me, I thought to myself in the middle of faking 25 push-ups. "And then the ocean of course, booze. Wednesday we'll be at the rooftop of..." In the bright-yellow, August sun. "Watch the sunset..." The sun doesn't set till 9:30. I wished them the best in my head. But then the rooftop class was the only class still open this week!

I sucked it up.

It was here!


Where midtown buildings cover the bright-yellow, godawful, August sun anyway.


(No sunset though. That was indeed just a marketing thing.)
12:14 pm
Someone typed, printed, and taped a notice on her door,

Please knock. [Underlined in pink highlighter.]

If I'm available [available underlined in pink], I will open the door [underlined].

Otherwise, I am likely on the phone or unavailable.

Please come back, page me, or leave me a note.

I read: come back, page me, or leave me alone.
7:41 am
Is it Saturday?
Wednesday, August 2nd, 2017
1:07 pm
"The best thing about America is that it gives you space. I like that. I like that you buy into the dream, it's a lie but you buy into it and that's all that matters."
Monday, July 31st, 2017
11:48 pm
When a friend is seated beside his Friend,
a hundred tablets of mystery are opened.
11:01 pm




5:54 pm
'You drink on Monday you drink all week'.

3:47 pm
3:25 pm
Scaramucci is out
Scaramucci is out.
1:22 pm
"I wanna make a..." meant: Make me a...

The voices of children.

"I wanna make a..."

"I wanna make a...":

A plane.

A triangle.

A car.

A circle.

A train (that was kind of hard).

An ice cream.

An orange.

An ice cream.

A cat.

Body. Head. And triangle ears (too big, bat-looking). I had a little piece left. "A tail," she instructed me. I was impressed. I hadn't thought of giving it a tail at all. "A mouth," she demanded. I grabbed a burnt sparkler and carved a (smiley lol) mouth with the metal end. I wanted to impress her with whiskers. Eyes. "Nose," she said when I was finished carving it. She put the cat aside, so far the most precious. (And the car, for him.)

A potato. (That one wouldn't be, for long.)

A train (seriously?). Still disappointing.

An egg.

A fish. (With a carved smiley mouth, eyes, and a delineated head.)

Ice (an ice cube?). An ice cube.

A fish (a big fish).

"Papa fish."

A fish. With the little that was left, "Mama fish." (Smaller than the original, "Baby fish".)

"Ice," she said again. "Ice [an ice cube], or eyes?" I asked her this time. She wouldn't answer. I started to make a two-dimensional eye. I rolled the PlayDoh into a little ball, I flattened it on the palm of my hand like when I made "the circle." She started pinching the circumference into angles (I was impressed). (Was it "eyes"?) I finished shaping it and carved an iris and a pupil with the burnt sparkle. That was enough.

"I -- the smell of PlayDoh," my partner said. I didn't hear him.

"I love the smell of PlayDoh," I said.

We repeated these sentiments in other words, and kept quickly outputting to the twins' demands.


"When I was watching cartoons your mom was sucking dick," she said hypothetically, retroactively, defensively.

It wasn't like that.

I laughed hard.

"She's like 90 pounds, that's why I call her my little friend," (Plus in Spanish that sounds normal, endearing, no Pacino connotations.) "She made it, I didn't believe in her.

When I first met her she was 19. She asked me how old I was, I was about 33. She's like, 'Rose you're old! You could be my mom.' I said that in fact I cou--'" I did the math.

"My mom's 35."

[Now if all goes well, we'll have the same job.] [Kind of again.] [Daughter and me; my little friend I didn't believe in, and me.]

"I liked The Thundercats."

"Let me go through all my contacts," her phone lit her face at our romantically lit table. She'd already told me in the car... that we were bringing the twins (to our beach day the next day). I accepted it graciously, "One for you, one for me."

She grabbed her phone looking desperate anyway.

I offered to pay for half of the babysitting, "For my twin."

"Who the fuck is Amaryllis?" She said at the appearance of the contacts.

"Can she take care of my kids?"


"Dog, cat..."

(We left them with dad despite the civil/cold war!) ("I didn't know what was going to happen there up until the last minute," I said as we rushed into the car.)

We exchanged another story about patients naming all the animal you could name in one minute. It never gets old.


"What the fuck is that?"


"I would never get that,"

"And he had me all confused with leech!"

"What's that?"


"I would never get that."

"Zarigüeya," she kept saying it throughout the day. I couldn't remember it.

The joy of saying animal names.

"Guacamaya," I added one she didn't know.


"Gato montés," (I got mountain cat for real one time. It was one of my favorites. I think he said it twice.)

Did I say mountain cat already?


The house was empty when we got back at dusk. In the backyard, the cat and the car were still on the table, among scattered pieces of dough. I grabbed one. I'd forgotten PlayDoh hardens. I'd finish a beer while she picked hydrangeas off her tree for me. "Firefly," I said dreamily. "Luciérnaga," she said, to my amusement. The tree swayed every time she picked a branch.


More dead. By firearms.

A "National Guard" shot in the face.
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